


Imposter Syndrome

by titaniaeli



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parenting, Child Neglect, Daemon Prejudice, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-20 14:26:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14896256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titaniaeli/pseuds/titaniaeli
Summary: Tetsurou had prayed for something strong, big and fierce. He had begged desperately for someone to protect him, and his daemon settled for a shape that fulfilled his wish.





	1. Chapter 1

It was not the first time that Tetsurou found himself stowed away in the darkness of his wardrobe, his tiny body shoved in a stuffy corner as he clung to his daemon desperately. The outside of his temporary haven roared with crashes and screams of violence.

“You’ll be okay, Tetsu.” Mari whispered, her shape in the form of a small, furry meerkat in the crook of his neck.

She had preferred taking on smaller forms; cats, rabbits, birds and even an otter once—although that particular form had been a little too big for her to hang on her tiny human’s shoulder. The smaller forms were easier for her to sneak around, and she was possessive of her spot on Tetsurou’s shoulder.

“Is it over now?” Tetsurou asked, his voice small and shaky when the shouting stopped abruptly.

Mari gently extracted herself out of her human’s grip, slipping out of their hiding spot silently. The house was empty, and she carefully cleared the broken shards of a thrown vase out of the way before calling Tetsurou out.

Nine-year-old Kuroo Tetsurou’s small feet padded quietly to the living room, his hazel eyes taking in the damages. He reached out unconsciously for Mari, not taking his eyes off at the ticking clock on the wall.

The meerkat shifted into a magpie immediately, fluttering into his arms. With a blink, she slipped on the shape of a grey Siberian cat. He wrapped his thin arms around her waist and hid a sob into her furry back.

The house rang eerie with its haunting silence, violence etched in every nook and cranny.

* * *

What no one knows was that Tetsurou was not born in Tokyo. He had once lived in a quiet little town in Saitama, four hours away from Tokyo—where his grandmother lived. He left house when he was barely eleven, his body in an awkward stage of growth. Even as a child, he was taller than his classmates, his frame long and gangly before he had grown into his gracefulness as an adult.

He had packed up what little belongings he possessed, stole some cash from his mother’s wallet and brought a train ticket straight to Tokyo. He was tall enough to pass off as a junior high student. He has only visited his paternal grandmother once, but he has a good enough memory to remember his way.

It was not a decision that he had made after a long consideration. It was the only time in his life he had made such a spontaneous decision.

The screams had haunted his footsteps as he fled his way to seek refuge in his room. He had hugged Mari to his chest, his shoulders trembling as the yelling intensified. His skinny arm throbbed from where he was grabbed and tossed out of the way.

Mari’s small feline body was curled in his lap as he stroked her back anxiously. The door was at his back, and he had made sure it was locked, but the fear and dread were still there.

Mari has always preferred smaller forms, but for once, he wished she was big enough to hide and protect him. Something strong, big and fierce. A creature wild enough to protect him from anything. Even his father’s ram and his mother’s spoonbill. They were both animals bigger than Tetsurou, intimidating in their larger forms, and they have never failed to make Mari shrink away whenever their humans were in one of their fights.

 _Something strong, big and fierce,_ he thought, _so that she could protect him. So that one day he’d grow up to be able to protect himself._

Mari shifted in his lap, looking up and meeting his serious gaze. Even without saying out loud, his own soul knew him better than he did.

He felt something in his chest settled as Mari changed form for the last time.

He shoved a few clothes, an old, tattered volleyball and some stolen cash into a bag and snuck out of the house at daybreak, getting on the first train without looking back.

Not many people found anything strange with a child wandering around alone, but they definitely did a double take at the daemon next to him. Fortunately, no one stopped him until he’s at his grandmother’s doorsteps.

With Mari’s quiet urging, he raised a fist and knocked on the wooden double doors nervously.

Kuroo Shimeyo opened the doors at the third knock, a honey badger at her feet peering out at them curiously.

“Tetsurou?” She cried.

He was tired and achy and hungry. _And cold,_ Mari helpfully reminded him. The autumn sun was high in the sky, and he was only wearing a thin jacket.

He was only ten years old and he had just run away from home.

Even Mari was surprised when he burst into tears.

* * *

Tetsurou refused to speak, but Mari talked enough for both of them. Shimeyo and her daemon, Touma, were both furious.

Unbeknownst to Tetsurou and Mari, Kuroo Shimeyo was a businesswoman in her youth, and even at her old age, still has many connections. Even against her own son, she remained ruthless. Plus, her neighbours and regulars at the tea shop had taken a liking to little Tetsurou, and most were quite adamant that the child remained with his grandmother.

Touma spent weeks occupying Tetsurou’s attention while his grandmother waged war for custody over her only grandson. 

She won, obviously.

And so Kuroo Tetsurou grew up under the care of his grandmother, playing volleyball as a child should, instead of quivering in fear of his own parents.

It wasn’t long before he met his very first friend, Kenma Kozume. The smaller boy was quiet and dull and shy and the complete opposite of Tetsurou. But he was also the first person not to flinch away from Mari, staring at the black panther with unconcealed awe.

Mari was still bigger than both children, although it won’t be long before the two boys soon surpassed her in height. Kenma’s daemon, Chiyo, was still unsettled, although she was friendlier than her human. She was also intensely inquisitive, and to match Mari’s size, she had taken to experimenting with bigger forms.

They became best friends. Kenma and Tetsurou. Chiyo and Mari. The four of them stuck to each other like they have no one else.

Kenma learned his secret when he was twelve. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. He talked about the skeletons in his closet, the thin scars on his ribs, the screams in his nightmare. How he never stopped flinching whenever an adult raised an arm at his direction, or when people started shouting in his vicinity.

Chiyo settled into a Eurasian lynx and never changed again. Kenma made a silent promise to himself that this messy-haired boy wearing his wounds outside his body would never suffer another scar again.

* * *

In his second year, he met Bokuto Tetsurou and first-year Akaashi Kenji at a training gym. Bokuto was the second person ever to stare at Mari without flinching. In fact, he came up to them and complimented Mari’s beauty, and well—they were not insusceptible to flattery.

Bokuto’s daemon was some kind of small brown bird. Tetsurou recognized the daemon vaguely as some skylark breed from his Biology class. Etsuko was as energetic and optimistic as her human, although she has a tendency to flit around Bokuto and pecked at his head insistently to drag him out of his weird moody funks.

She got along with Mari like a house on fire.

But the most amazing daemon he has ever known was Kayo, Akaashi’s daemon. The first time he seen the daemon, he thought it was a woodland god in the form of the regal-looking deer. Her antlers were still half-grown when he met her, but it was still pretty awesome.

Kayo had taken one look at Mari and skittered away nervously, although she kept her composure fairly well.

Tetsurou was used to such reactions, from both humans and their daemons. What he did not expect was Akaashi coming straight up to him after their practice match to apologize for their reactions.

“Your daemon had surprised us,” Akaashi had said. “And we apologize for our rudeness.”

The apology had freaked Tetsurou out at first. He wasn’t used to pretty boys apologizing for being frightened of Mari. It’s not like he couldn’t understand their reactions. Mari was more than five feet long and two feet tall. She’s bigger than half of these prepubescent boys. His daemon screamed _wrongness_ to those who saw her.

People saw Mari and thinks there’s a savage beast lurking beneath. They do not know that he wears his scars outside his body.

Also, most daemons do not apologize to him. It’s not common for daemons to talk to other people.

“It’s fine.” He had tried to brush Akaashi’s apology away, but the younger boy refused to give up. There’s something admirable about Akaashi’s tenacity. It snuck up on you and punched you in the jaw when you’re not looking. You couldn’t tell from Akaashi's demure, pretty boy looks, but there’s steel beneath, and a wisdom uncommon enough in most boys his age.

“No, I’m sure the both of you have enough gawking from others. Kayo and I shouldn’t have added to that prejudice.” Akaashi smiled, offering his hand. “I am Akaashi Kenji, and this is Kayo.”

Ever since junior high, he was shunned like a plague by both his classmates and teachers. No child his age should have such a ferocious predator as a daemon.

Tetsurou had not shed a single tear since he turned up at Kuroo Shimeyo’s doorsteps, but it was still a close thing when he complained to her about the loneliness at school. The principal had called her for the third time that month for playing truant. He would rather use that precious time learning volleyball than to stay trapped in that suffocating classroom.

Kuroo Shimeyo told him that friends would look beyond your exterior soul without prejudice, that the people who truly do not care about the shape his daemon takes would appear one day. She reminded him that he already has one by his side.

Kenma had not run when he first met Mari. Kenma had not run when he told him about his parents.

But Kenma was a year younger than him, and school was torturous without his first friend.

Tetsurou never believed her until he met Bokuto, Akaashi and his volleyball team.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time Sawamura Daichi met Kuroo Tetsurou, he noticed that sly smirk and wicked eyes first, and the huge daemon next.

The Nekoma captain had reminded him annoyingly of a lazy, infuriating cat at first. The lethal creature at his feet had astounded him, because he simply could not associate the frustrating boy with this beautiful, dangerous animal.

it’s not until they both stepped onto the volleyball court did he finally see the person that wore a panther soul on the outside. Despite the infuriating provocations, the irritating ugly laughter, those hazel eyes remained laser sharp and focused, never wavering from his goal.

It kinda scared Daichi a little at first, not that he’d ever admit it to anyone.

They didn’t become friends after their first practice match, but they have exchanged numbers. He caught Tetsurou murmuring to his daemon as they parted ways.

 _Mari,_ he thought. It was an oddly reserved-sounding name for a predator.

“Kuroo-san’s daemon is so cool, isn’t it?!” Hinata said excitedly. Sora bounced eagerly beside him, her tiny paws on the window ledge as she peered out of the bus.

As the bus drove away, the black panther grew distant.

“You don’t see many predator daemons in high school students.” Sugawara said contemplatively. He abruptly looked up and glared at the first-years. “It’s not polite to stare even if it’s strange.”

The first-years had spent the whole time staring at the black panther basking under the warm sun as they trained. Luckily, they had more discipline than that during their match.

“Sorry…” Hinata muttered. Sora drooped in embarrassment.

Daichi stifled a chuckle at the boy’s chastened expression. He turned away so they wouldn’t see his amused smile, rubbing the top of Haruko’s head absently.

“You can always text him if you’re interested.” Haruko grinned a doggish grin, nosing at his palm.

“Oh, shut up.” He scowled. “Who is interested?”

Haruko laughed, leaning up to lick his face.

* * *

Somehow, they became friends. From rivals to tolerated acquaintances to friends.

It’s not as bad as Daichi first assumed.

Mari was quieter than her human, but she had the same sharp wit and dry humour. He noticed that the black panther tended to mirror Tetsurou’s emotions, something they both probably do not realize.

Tetsurou had a pretty good poker face, and he rarely get upset. Or so he liked other people to believe. Daichi just need to look at Mari to know if her human was upset.

The black panther would bristle warningly, her hazel eyes narrowed and alert. She’s a silent one when she’s angry, but then again, so is her human. Tetsurou was not the type to flare up, hot and angry.

Its times like that that Daichi could understand a little about the dangerous animal that skulked behind Tetsurou’s calm façade.

He still doesn’t know what it means to have such a fierce, prideful daemon. He found himself wanting to know more, even when his teammates warned him about getting too close. Normal, _sane_ people do not typically have such an openly savage predator as their daemons.

Greyhounds were usually bred for racing, but they used to be hunting dogs, and they do not give up easily.

Daichi and Haruko were the same.

* * *

“Stop staring at his ass.” Yaku complained. Hikari growled in agreement.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said flippantly. Mari has her head in his lap, her deep purr vibrating in her chest as he scratched her behind her ear. “The only ass I see around here is you.”

“Very funny.” Yaku said sarcastically.

For a moment, Tetsurou thought that he’s finally getting peace from the other boy. The two boys watched the rest of their team and Karasuno in silence.

“You should go ask him out.” Yaku suggested.

Mari snorted loudly beneath his hand. He gave her a traitorous glare at her amusement.

“We do go out together.” He said weakly.

 _“As friends.”_  Mari added helpfully. She grinned a mouthful of razor sharp teeth at him. Someone up there must really hate him, for his own soul to be ganging up on him.

“Well, staring at his ass every time we get together for a practice match is just plain pitiful.” Yaku said.

He latched onto that, waggling his brows for effect. “He has a _nice_  ass.”

Both Yaku and Hikari gave him disgusted looks.

Hey, he’s a teenager boy with a crush on a rival captain. Who has a very nice ass and lovely thighs and broad shoulders—

He shook his head violently, trying to will the blush in his cheeks away.

“I’m not even going to ask.” Yaku muttered.

Yaku and he had butted heads the moment they met, instant dislike sparking at the sight of each other. Mari and Hikari have always known though; they were the complete opposite of their humans at their first encounter.

They have always known that they would be friends.

After all, Hikari was the same kind, in spite of the size difference. She was an omnivore predator, and everyone could see it the moment she bared her teeth.

“Are you guys fighting again?” Kai interrupted, plopping down in between of them. He stole Yaku’s water bottle, gulping greedily.

“We’re not fighting.” Yaku scowled. “We’re discussing Kuroo’s utter wretchedness as he pines after Karasuno captain.”

“Oi, you bastard!” He snapped.

Kai chuckled. Hana squawked in amusement, flapping a wing over Tetsurou’s head in admonishment.

“Ask him out already.” Kai smiled. “Everyone can see that the both of you are pretty much smitten with each other.”

“You really think so?” He asked, frowning. Something on his face must have shown his insecurity because Kai and Yaku sobered up instantly and exchanged worried glances.

“Why do you think he doesn’t like you?” Kai asked gently.

He ran his hand down Mari’s large back in response. Even his reasons sounded stupid in his head.

“If you think Sawamura is going to give a shit just because Mari is a panther, or if he’s even the sort of person to _care_ about that sort of thing... then that’s a stupid reason not to go for it.” Yaku said sharply. “And if he’s such a superficial bastard, well, give me the word and I’ll go kick his ass.”

“We don’t need to resort to such violence.” Kai reprimanded. “But Yaku is right... If Sawamura turns out to be such a superficial fellow, you’re better off with someone else anyway.”

Mari’s chest rumbled against his thigh. He glanced down at his soul, but she returned his gaze with a steady stare, waiting for his decision.

“What do I have to lose?” He said out loud.

He stood up abruptly, surprising Kai and Yaku. He tried not to show his nervousness as he marched towards Karasuno.

“Hey, Suga-chan,” He greeted distractedly. “Can I speak to Sawamura alone?”

The two boys stared up at him in shock.

“Of course.” Sugawara found his voice, noting the Nekoma captain’s flitting eyes and anxiety. He hid a smile and good-naturedly walked off with Aiko. He ordered the team to gather and clean up the court, smiling widely at the protests.

Well, whatever. As long as the others kept clear of the two captains. He has a feeling that Daichi might not want the others to hear their conversation.

“Hey, Kuroo, what’s wrong?” Daichi smiled. Beside him, Haruko wagged her tail happily, sniffing near Mari’s paws.

“Do you want to grab dinner together?” Tetsurou asked, trying to remain suave and failing terribly. “Alone. Just you and I.”

If Daichi was an asshole, he’d say that it wouldn’t be the first time they eat out together alone. But he knew what Tetsurou meant, and this was far beyond his imagination.

“I—I thought that you’d never ask.” He answered, barely keeping his nerves together. He gave Tetsurou a shy smile so that the other captain wouldn’t be mistaken about his intention.

Tetsurou’s bright smile sent a strange jolt through his heart. _Oh_ , he thought, _so this is how Kuroo looks like with a genuine smile._

Damn, he’s fucked.


	3. Chapter 3

Being in a ‘relationship’ with Tetsurou did not changed much, as he had originally feared in the beginning.

They still bickered over the stupidest things, Tetsurou spammed his phone with dumb cat memes and funny animals’ videos, they visited every cat café in Tokyo and Miyagi and trained with each other during the holidays. He just had the added bonus of sleeping over at Tetsurou’s house.

When pressed to answer, especially by an irritatingly curious Sugawara, he insisted that they have not gone all the way yet _so stop pestering goddammit this is private!_

Tetsurou lived with only his grandmother. There’s no parents around—no photos, no indication of anyone else other than Kuroo Shimeyo’s presence in the pleasant traditional home—and when cautiously questioned, Tetsurou had given him a false smile.

“My parents are divorced.” Tetsurou shrugged easily, but one look at Mari told Daichi that both human and daemon was uneasy speaking about the missing parents. “It’s only Obaachan and I now. It’s better this way.”

Perhaps he could understand a little better now, the faint, thin scars that lined Tetsurou’s arms. Volleyball, unfortunately, does not have long sleeves, and Tetsurou’s skin was quite pale.

Tetsurou never seemed concerned about the scars, but he gets uncomfortable if anyone showered attention to them. But Daichi found himself addicted to them; running his fingers over them, feeling the thin ridges over the smooth skin, trying to memorize their pathways. He only does it when Tetsurou’s sleeping though. He knows Tetsurou hates them being touched.

If Mari knows, she did not say anything.

The first time Haruko leaned against Tetsurou, it had sent a brief shock through both of them. But it was a... _nice_ shock.

Soon, Haruko could be found lazing in Tetsurou’s lap, with her legs in the air as she gets a belly rub.

It took a longer time for Mari to warm up to Daichi. The only people she has ever allowed to touch her were Shimeyo and Kenma, and even then, she preferred her own human’s touch.

Perhaps it’s true, what people said about your daemons being the truest reflection of your soul.

* * *

Daichi sank into his bones without his realization, creeping through the gaps of his heart with a smile, a shy blush, an exasperated eye-roll that’s purely Sawamura Daichi. Tetsurou couldn’t get him out from under his skin even if he tried.

He was always waiting for the day that Daichi would realize that he had made the wrong decision to go out with him.  

Mari called him a dumbass, but she’s his soul after all. He knew that as much. It’s just all these human insecurities and doubts and it’s just stupid.

But somehow, they graduated high school, entered the same university and still remained together. They weren’t roommates, thank god. It was one thing to be in a relationship with someone from high school but it’s another thing to start living with them during the turbulent period of university stress. Tetsurou still found himself staying over at Daichi’s dorm more often than not.

If there’s one thing that could be said about Daichi, it’s that he’s a much better study partner than Bokuto.

“Since when did we become a pair of domestic sappy assholes?” He mused out loud, watching Daichi flitting around the kitchen in that frilly cat apron he once brought for his boyfriend as a gag gift last year.

He caught the waft of bread in the oven and sighed dreamily, his stomach growling hungrily in response. _Oh, chocolate,_ he thought.

“You were always a sappy romantic.” Daichi pointed out, raising an amused brow. “Remember the day you cried the first time I brought you flowers?”

“Oh, shut up.” He muttered in embarrassment.

That day had been the first time Mari allowed Daichi to touch her too. He could still remember the sharp heady warmth that shot through his body when Mari rubbed her head affectionately against Daichi’s body. It’s a feeling that whispered of _home_.

“Done?” Mari growled, peering over the dining table eagerly.

“Five more minutes to go, Mari.” Daichi said distractedly. He stopped briefly to pat her head as he walked past her.

Tetsurou felt a surge of love in his heart, his cheeks warming in response. Haruko’s tongue lolled out happily as she curled up beside him.

“Anything I can help with?” He asked.

Daichi turned to him, hands planting on his hips.

“You just stay put, birthday boy.” He warned.

“You sure you can do this without burning the kitchen down?” He teased.

Daichi had already turned his attention back to the oven, but he called out an annoyed ‘shut up!’ over his shoulder. Gently moving Haruko’s head off his thigh, he stood up and padded lightly over to Daichi. He wrapped his arms around Daichi’s waist.

Daichi was more than used to his spooning habit, only reaching down to squeeze his hand. He didn’t even seem to notice Tetsurou’s dead weight on his back.

“Hey, Daichi...” he said softly. “Thank you for loving me.”

The shorter man froze beneath him. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek against Daichi’s shoulder, marvelling at the warmth and solidness beneath his arms.

“You idiot...” Daichi muttered, his ears flushed red. “Don’t thank me for something like that.” He put down the bowl of mixture, turning in Tetsurou’s arms. “Don’t make it sounds like an obligation.”

Daichi’s earnest gaze has always been his soft spot.

“I love you.” He said abruptly.

As expected, Daichi’s entire face turned crimson. Years ago, he’d have spluttered and told Tetsurou to knock it out with the sappy shit. Now, he merely smiled and pulled him down into a sweet kiss.

Haruko had moved over to Mari during Tetsurou’s absence. Now the two daemons were entwined as their humans were.

“The cake is going to burn.” He murmured. His grin widened as Daichi spun around in panic, cursing loudly.

Mari laughed freely. Haruko didn’t even stir from her slumber.

Life was good.

**Author's Note:**

> Kuroo Tetsurou - Mari "obstinacy, rebelliousness" - black panther (fierce when protecting, gentle, intense)  
> Kuroo Shimeyo - Touma "iron" - honey badger (fierce when provoked, honest, persistent, valor)  
> Kenma Kozume - Chiyo "a thousand generations." - Eurasian lynx (cunning, stealth, vigilant)  
> Yaku Morisuke – Hikari “light” – wolverine (bold, fearless, quick tempered)  
> Nobuyuki Kai - Hana "flower" - spot-billed pelican (charitous, dedicated, humble, self-sacrificing)
> 
> Bokuto Koutarou - Etsuko "joyful child." - Eurasian skylark (creativity, optimism, vigor)  
> Akaashi Kenji - Kayo "beautiful/increasing generation" - white-tailed deer (serenity, purity, solitude, wisdom)
> 
> Sawamura Daichi - Haruko "spring child." - greyhound (courageous, loyalty, nobility, swift action)  
> Hinata Shouyou - Sora "sky" - giant otter (eagerness, empathy, flexibility, grace, vigor)  
> Sugawara Koushi - Aiko "love child" - alpine goat (intrigue, perseverance, vitality, wit)


End file.
